So yeah, I have the WORST mood swings. Thankfully I have older sisters, friends, and you guys to keep my mind from going kaput.

With that said, I do have a problem with thinking there's something wrong with me, even in places where there isn't. I wasn't aware I had ADHD until I had a convo with sister where I brought up an episode of Clone High, saying "Yeah we both have ADHD". It blew my mind, and everything started to make sense. From the medication, to switching of schools, why I had to use my headphones while watching fireworks. At that time, high school was about to end and my knowledge and understanding of autism was...POOR. My idea of it was...insulting. I thought it meant you were dumb, and couldn't think for yourself. Thankfully, I've grown out of that mindset, and have tried to educate to better understand myself and others. I'm still confused on certain things, but it's helped me make connections with people, as well as make my lil headcanons. I headcanon Dr. Tenma is on the spectrum basically.

Anyways, things have been a struggle for my family, especially this past year. My mom aside from dealing with cancer has had multiple surgeries because some dumbass didn't use tubes right or something. Thankfully it ended with a MIRACLE and my mom is fine now. My mental state has been a mess, just all over the place. I'm definitely better than I was earlier this year, but now my issues are coming from concerns about the future. Should I get a job, should I do commissions as my job, should I go back to education for 3D modeling, those type of things. I'm trying to figure out what I should use for people to send money over for commissions. I've heard the horrors of PayPal and how terrible it can be, but so far I've found none that satisfy me. I might just have to give in and HOPE to god PayPal doesn't take my money for reasons they won't tell me.

I've been hard on myself this whole year for reasons I can't discuss. My friends became my enemies, my enemies became my friends, and I wait till the day comes when I can finally put thing that started this to rest. Though it will probably never happen. I've experienced bitterness, betrayal, relief, anxiety, learned to live and learn (like SA2) and to not make assumptions without proof. My brain is still developing, I just need to remember that it's not the end of the world.

Still, if that day ever comes and things turn out fine, I will be very happy.

I apologies for the scare, and try not to let it trend.

Also I need to buy Sonic Frontiers. I'm so proud of them...