I didn't participate in any clubs or extra curricular stuff in school either; the idea of more obligations made me anxious, since I just wanted to get my schoolwork done and have time to do my computer and video stuff.
You might not have participated in clubs but you probably turned out to be a better artist than most of the people in your school, because you were focusing on a passion instead of trying to fit in with other things. There are lots of people like this and at some point you'll hopefully get to meet some in real life and work on stuff with them (or meet them and work with them on-line).
It's also normal to not want to exist sometimes, I've not wanted to exist lots of times. It's still good to exist though, it's worth keeping at it and trying to keep working towards the most true version of yourself.
Someone in high school said I was a floppy disk with legs and for many years I didn't want to be a floppy disk with legs but nowadays I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna be the best floppy disk with legs, I'll be a human computer that processes tons of data and that's cool because the world needs people to sort all this information.
If you've been cooped up inside a lot, I recommend trying to find some local meetups / events where you can get around some fresh faces. Even just taking walks around the neighborhood and saying hi to people as you pass, if that's an option.
sackboy963
Damn, did not expect to find this on the artist news.
I know how you feel, I feel I should have done something productive during my childhood, but no I feel I wasted it. I could have practiced on my drawing skills since I constantly watched animations during my younger years and worked on a skill beneficial for the future ahead of me. Unfortunately I started this quite late during my high school years, and it still feels like its lacking. I'm around your age and I'm still attending college, meanwhile doing an independent course for my future with help from my folks who are willing to help me. I have similar ADHD problems as I constantly daydream 24/7, ever since as a child, which I can see has now bothered with my life more than ever. So these opportunities wouldn't be that problematic if not for my focus or attention problems, lack of motivation, and depressed mood swings from time to time.
I could list a couple of other problems I have but I feel they are no way related to the problems you're dealing with right now. Hell I even thought there's no point in me being born in this world and I should just off myself, which I almost tried to. My mother stopped me at that time and she started to break down in tears when she witnessed what I almost did to myself, that was something I could never forget seeing. Right now I'm just trying to get my community college phase over with, transfer to a university if possible, finish up my independent course for future careers, and make the most of what I can have in my life in case I lose it all (that last one could have been phrased better). I don't know if this anyway makes you feel any better, but I can understand what you're going through and how you feel right now, and it is a crappy feeling.
BLUBOT
The part with your mom, that’s some brutal stuff. Still, it’s amazing knowing you’re not alone, I hope you go to that University. Sounds much better than the college. That or I’m getting some things mixed up. Big lucks to you!